Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
