please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
