i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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