Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
