I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
