All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
