Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
