im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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