Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
