I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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