The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
