eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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