I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
