you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
