i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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