u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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