The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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