I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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