3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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