Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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