This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he thought i was a dude.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
