you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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