i already hear my dad disowning me
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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