i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
