Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
