Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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