Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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