i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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