guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
