pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
