I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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