can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
