my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
