If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
