Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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