so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
