I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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