Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
