I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
