I feel great
I just peed on a car
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I lost the right to judge tonight
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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