Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
