I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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