she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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