very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
They have beer where we have blood.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
