just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
