I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
