they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
