Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
