I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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