dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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