barbara walters just said penis...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize