this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
