I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I can't turn off my feet"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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