why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
