You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
