So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
