If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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